America’s Favorite Guacamole Contest/Superbowl Party.

The Guacapellas

Mon, 8 Feb 2010 00:53:05 -0800

Here’s a little video I took of Tim’s entry, “The Guacapellas” singing their hit song “Guac-Maker.”

Sample lyrics: “You’re a guac maker, chip baker, drink taker, don’t you double-dip with me...”

Guac Bowl 2010 Results and Pictures!

Mon, 8 Feb 2010 00:33:53 -0800

Another amazing year! Thanks to everyone who came out.

First, what you’re all waiting for: THE PICTURES.

And now, the winners:

BEST PRESENTATION OF GUAC:
1st place: Tim McKeon, “The Guacapellas”
2nd place: Adam Pava, “Little Guac of Horrors”
3rd place: “Marta and Matt Knudsen, “LolliGuacs”

BEST TASTING TRADITIONAL GUAC:
1st place: Julie Halton, “Thug Life” (aka, TuGuac Shakur)
2nd place: Craig Anderson, “Don’t You Wish Your Guac-Friend Was Hot Like Me”
3rd place: Christine Landry, “First Place Guac”

BEST TASTING ALTERNATIVE GUAC:
1st place: Tim McKeon, “The Guacapellas”
2nd place: Sean Cole, “Can’t Stop Spin’n Guac”
3rd place: Catie Moore, “Guac Muffins”

THE ICARUS AWARD:
1st place: Greg and Michelle Steele, “GWARcamole”
2nd place: Kara Ulseth, “Junior Guacs”
3rd place: Tim McKeon, “The Guacapellas”

Some highlights:

• We had more people crammed into my house than ever before, but a few less guacs. Maybe it’s because we’re in an economic downturn. Maybe it’s because people saw pictures of Rob’s Han Solo from last year and were scared off from even trying. Whatever the case, we can celebrate that the guacs themselves continue to get better and more creative each year – especially in the Alternative category, where people go crazy with culinary skill. Today, we had guac gaspacho (Ian Nyeste and Maggie Flynn), guac chocolate mint candy (Kara Ulseth), guac cannolis (Rob Saccenti), guac lollipops (Marta and Matt Knudsen), guac muffins (Catie Moore), guac rice crispies (Emily Bloom), and a bunch of others. Amazing!

• Tim McKeon repeated his 2005 coup by winning both Best Presentation and Best Alternative Guac. This time, he hired an a capella group, the USC Sirens, to sing songs about guacamole throughout the party. “The Guacapellas” were a great idea, a great pun, and the orange-guac that accompanied them wasn’t half bad either. Everyone agreed they were Best Presentation-worthy… but the Best Alternative Tasting win was a surprise to many. (Maybe it helped to have a group of hired singers who could all vote for you! Hmm…)

• Every year, there’s some type of new guac concoction that multiple people enter, creating an unintentional smackdown. Three years ago, it was dueling Japanese-themed guacs. Two years ago, it was dueling guac cookies. Last year, it was dueling guac alcohols. This year, we had two guac smoothies. Rob Wilson and Emily Bloom had their Jamba-style “Guaca Guice,” and Michael Zimmer came with “Guacamoothie.” There were heated debates over which one was better. I had to drink Zimmer’s sludge to get the taste of Rob and Emily’s slurry out of my mouth. But others had the opposite reaction. Ultimately, we all decided with our votes… and both smoothies came out noble losers.

• We had our first entry ever to get votes in all four categories -- a statistical impossibility because, by definition, a guac can’t be both Traditional and Alternative. Yet Julie Lofrano’s “The Golden Guacs” was actually four guacs in one, one for each of the Golden Girls: Rose’s was sweet and simple; Dorothy’s was tall and salty; Sophia’s was small and old; and Blache’s was spicy and sinful (“and always leaves men satisfied”). This was clever, but also left voters scratching their heads as to how to vote. Even though I gave it a yellow sticker (for Alternative), someone voted for it in Traditional as well. Ultimately, it was a great entry that split its votes, leaving it trophyless.

• This year, contestants took self-promoting to hilarious new levels. Lara Grant printed up and handed out little cards to advertise her “America’s Next Guac Model” entry. Kysa and Lauren didn’t wait for people to come to get their AvocaDaiquiries – they walked around passing them out. Christine Landry (always a great self-promoter, as her blog post below explains) went so far as to present her guac in the trophy she won last year! And of course, The Guacapellas were a walking, singing billboard for Tim’s guac.

• The youngest guac partier, one-year-old Rowan Lee (Josh and Alie’s daughter) wasn’t a fan of guacamole… except for Catie Moore’s Guac Muffins. She ate seven of them.

• This year, together we used 209.75 avocados for some cheap laughs. Which reminds me: don’t forget to donate to Haiti relief efforts.

Everybody’s Guacin’ ’Bout Us...

Sat, 6 Feb 2010 15:59:21 -0800

At the risk of turning this blog into a list of all the press we’ve gotten... WE GOT MORE PRESS!!!

The L.A. Weekly posted a great story about Guac Bowl. Check it out here.

Hopefully the party tomorrow will live up to the hype. See you then!

Hot Dog! We’re just two days away!

Fri, 5 Feb 2010 10:40:07 -0800

Guac Bowl is this weekend! And there are a crapload of people on the Evite! It’s gonna be a big one.

For all you newcomers, I thought I’d quickly run down the categories you can enter in, in case you were too lazy to click on that little avocado above.

As always, the trophies will be awarded for:

• Best Tasting Traditional Guac – that’s the goo you’re used to; no crazy ingredients.

• Best Tasting Alternative Guac – some unusual ingredient added, or a different way of preparing it. Like chocolate guac, guac ice cream, fried guac, pez guac, whatever.

• Best Presentation of Guac – this has arguably become the most interesting category, with dioramas, three-dimensional sculptures, etc. Usually (and this is important) it is accompanied by a clever/terrible pun title.

• The Icarus Award -- named for the tragic Greek character who attempted to reach the sun, only to have his wax wings melt and fall back down to Greece, everyone laughing at him in Greek accents. So this award goes to the guac that tries the hardest, only to fail the worst.

And just a head’s up: the game isn’t until 3, but the party starts at 1. Get there early if you want prime placement for your guac, because table space fills up fast. The more people who have a chance to see yours and eat it, the more votes you might get! (I always feel bad for people who show up with awesome guacs right before the game, and everyone misses all the amazing work they put into it.)

See you Sunday, guac stars!

The Ultimate Guide to Eating and Voting

Tue, 2 Feb 2010 09:22:58 -0800

Today we have a guest blog by Christine Landry, who has won four Guac Bowl trophies – tied with the lead. How did she do it? Culinary skill? Relentless lobbying? Artistic flair? Relentless lobbying? We may never know, because instead of talking about how to WIN Guac Bowl, she wrote about how to ENJOY Guac Bowl. Which I guess is important, since most of you won’t win, but hopefully everyone will enjoy the party.

And now, here’s Christine with The Ultimate Guide to Guac Eating and Voting:

There are some who have been with Guac Bowl from the start. We were there in the early days where guac thrown into a martini glass could win best presentation. (I did that.) We were there before too many vegetarians were put on the Evite, and a guacamole covered in bacon could take home the prize for best alternative. (Also mine.) Early on, we ate way, way too much guacamole in one day, felt sick afterwards and swore not to eat guacamole again for at least two weeks.

And through it all, we have developed keen guacamole instincts. We know how to work a guacamole table; we know how to avoid the Guacamole Bloat after the Bowl is over; we know how to get down to business and vote for the best guacamole.

But Guac Bowl grows each year, and amateurs come in thinking they can take the place by storm and eat guac willy-nilly. They don’t realize that guac eating and voting requires patience, a plan and pacing. So for those overwhelmed by the sheer guaciness of Guac Bowl, here’s how us old-timers do it:

1. Don’t gauge your guac-eating pace by what’s in front of you. Whatever time you get to Guac Bowl, more guac is on its way. Guac-hopefuls trickle in until the very end, and you will see and smell more guac than you can ever imagine by the time this thing is finished. Give your stomach a chance, and leave room for more guac because it’s surely coming.

2. Make note of the best guacs. In your head is fine, or use pen and paper if you’re feeling forgetful. If you can, take a taste of all the guacs, narrow the field down to your favorites and then taste those again before voting.

3. If you really like one guac, don’t stand by it and eat the whole thing. That’s likely my guac, and I need to make sure there’s enough to go around.

4. Hand off disgusting guac-like items to unsuspecting passers-by. Pretend to be sharing, and give them the gross guac. Whether it’s half a Guac Pocket or half a Guacsicle, people are usually game for going halfsies at Guac Bowl. As their stomachs fill up, going wholesies seems insane.

5. If you’re short on time, ask Christine which guacs are best. She’ll give you an honest tour of the frontrunners. She’ll likely include her own guac in the tour, but that’s to be expected. And by “she,” she means “I.”

6. If you don’t trust Christine, ask someone you do. If you get to the party late, you’re not going to have time to taste all the guacs. Behave like the Academy: Determine which guacs have the best buzz, only pay attention to those and ignore other potentially delicious guacs that don’t have the proper PR machines behind them.

7. Don’t feel guilty about taking guac-eating shortcuts. There’s going to be a lot of guac in the house. If someone made unappetizing-looking guac or doesn’t have the good sense to lobby for their guac, that’s their own fault. You only have so much room in your stomach.

8. Vote from the gut. Certainly don’t vote from the heart—that might lead you to vote for your undeserving significant other. Your gut is more familiar with the guac. Listen to it.

NBC: Not just about the Late Night wars.

Mon, 1 Feb 2010 13:15:57 -0800

NBC may be best known for ruining late night television forever, but they finally did something right: they wrote about Guac Bowl on their website. This article went up today.

Instead of Jay versus Conan, they’ve moved on to Guac versus Other Guac. Equally fascinating, and even more delicious.

Name That Guac

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 14:17:36 -0800

Maybe I’m just stating the obvious, but the most important thing about guacamole is the hilarious name you give it. I’m not just talking about Guac Bowl entries – I’m talking year-round. Well, okay, I’m just talking about Guac Bowl entries. But hey, you didn’t come here for life advice. Or did you? If you did, email me privately.

So what makes a good guac name? Well, there are a few components.

1. A good pun. Thankfully, there are a million rhymes for “gauc,” and a million movie/TV show/song/book titles with those rhymes in them. So plug one in, and boom, you got yourself an instant entry. Let’s try it out together. What rhymes with guac? Walk, Sock, Talk… Talk, that’s a good one. What’s a TV show with the word “talk”? “Talk Soup” on E! Blammo. “Guac Soup.” You just came up with a Joel McHale-themed entry. Plus, if you get lucky like that, where the title lends itself to a good Alternative Guac style (soup), you can go that route. If you got the balls and the blender to pull it off. Hmm, that was actually a pretty good one – maybe I shouldn’t have given it away.

2. The name card or sign. There’s no sense in having a great name if people don’t know what it is. This is a common rookie mistake. Don’t be that guy that has to borrow a Post-It or napkin to scrawl your name on at the party. Make yourself a sign ahead of time. Use PhotoShop if you got the skillz, or get your artsy cubiclemate to draw something. Last year, Christine had a great “Guac Paper Scissors” entry, but the slower partygoers didn’t know what it was until she borrowed a pen and spelled it out for them. I’m not saying my friends are idiots who can’t get a visual pun… it’s just overwhelming with 60 guacs, and sometimes they can use a little visual aide.

3. Is it better to be topical or retro? Well, that’s between you and your guac, but sometimes being topical runs the risk of competing against other people who had the same idea. In 2007, there were two Guactanamo Bays. In 2008, three Baguac Obamas. And last year, two Slumguac Millionaires. But, I remind you, there was only one Fraggle Guac. So it’s worth asking yourself if your hilarious topical pun is so great that only you could come up with it, or risk having direct competition. But what’s guacamole without risk? Just a boring party, that’s what.

Tic Guac, Tic Guac...

Mon, 4 Jan 2010 19:42:27 -0800

Wow. Can you believe Guac Bowl season is already upon us? I know, it seems like we just finished digesting all the guacamole from last year’s party. But it’s true – we’re just a month away. The stress of the holidays are over, and now it’s time to relax... and stress about your Guac Bowl entry.

For those of you new to Guac Bowl, please check out the photos first (the links are on the left of the page). That will give you an idea of what you’re in store for. Also, check out the history and rules of the event here.

As usual, I’ve neglected this website all year, but I’ll be updating it more often as we get closer. If anyone wants to write something for the blog – guac wisdom, guac smack talk, whatever – just let me know. I’d love it.

See you February 7, guac stars!

“Solo” Exhibition

Mon, 9 Feb 2009 14:05:45 -0800

Rob wrote up a great summary of how he created “He’s No Guac To Me Dead,” the Han Solo in carbonite entry. You can read it on his blog here.

Full Guac Press

Tue, 3 Feb 2009 13:45:15 -0800

There was a nice follow-up article in the LA Times yesterday. I initially only saw the photo gallery they put up, but this piece goes into a little more detail.

Of course, the reporter, Elina, tried to stir up some controversy about “He’s No Guac To Me Dead” losing to “Ms. Guac-Man,” so I sent her this comment:

“What's this about accusations, and a shadow clouding my victory?! I will gladly hand over the ballots and the ballot-tabulator Excel sheet for the LA Times to conduct their own investigation! I suppose the two impartial witnesses present during my tabulating wasn't enough...? Let it be known, if the Times wants to hire Price Waterhouse Cooper to preside over the vote counting in the future, I will happily accept. Thank you.”

Elina wrote me back with the following:

“Well, you know how we muckrackers in the press are. We like to drum up controversy. Sells papers, starts wars. :)”

Sure, hide behind your smiley face emoticon, LA Times. We know you aren’t kidding.

East Coast Guac Bowl ’09 recap and pics

Tue, 3 Feb 2009 10:51:34 -0800

Josh wrote a nice recap of his Connecticut-based Guac Bowl for us, below. You can see photos from Guac Bowl East ’09 here.

This year’s third (and hopefully not last) Guac Bowl East was a surprisingly resounding success. We lost virtually every repeat player to graduation over the summer and still managed an even bigger crowd than in previous years. Like the Trojans I left behind in L.A., we don't rebuild, we reload. It wasn’t just the “adult” population that grew. We had at least seven kids at the party and the eastern division's first kid’s entry. I’d be tempted to suggest a new category for children if the entry hadn't been so good; it actually did really well in the Best Presentation category.

Like the original Guac Bowl, our competition was colored by a theme or two. There were numerous recession-minded entries, one of which (Hobo Guac) ran away with the Best Presentation award. The economic meltdown also seemed to have unintended practical effects (on top of the intended artistic ones). Guacadile, which combined a novel Guava-mole recipe in the Best Alternative category, was partially filled in with an almost avocadoless traditional guac. Let me pause here to say that a mouthful of onions, tomatoes, and garlic paste does not actually taste very good without avocados. There were also two Guactopuses, one (mine and Alie’s) that garnered the Icarus Award, and another much cuter Casper-the-friendly octopus.

A few novel things about Guac Bowl East seem worth mentioning now that I've seen three of them: It's now clear to me that we’ll ever be competitive with our western sister competition on the presentation front. The turnover in participants is too high for people to really settle in and spend a good year putting together insanely elaborate Guacontraptions. Most participants leave saying, “Oh my God, I had NO idea it was that intense until I saw it in person.” But that’s not all bad. Guac Bowl East offers a certain accessibility that maybe, just maybe has started to recede from L.A. People still show up believing they can win on a budget and on the fly. And, mostly, they can.

Another thing is that, because a lot of the participants here are dipping their toes into Guacmania for the first time, we’ve had to find ways to spruce up the party’s appeal to wallflowers. The 50 inch HDTV is nice, but lots of people have that these days. So, last year we enticed newcomers with exotic margaritas, like an amazing (or disgusting, depending on your tastes) passionfruit jalapeno concoction. This year, we merged parties with our neighborhood’s annual turkey fry. If guac isn’t your thing, watching a 25 pound whole bird slamdunked into a vat of boiling oil can’t fail to impress you. And man did it taste good.

But it all really comes back to the guac, doesn’t it? Cream cheese and bacon baby tomatoes, Guacupcakes, Guacaroni and Cheese... There’s some magic to avocados that drives people to creative excess I've not seen anywhere else. Perhaps it’s that there is a seemingly endless font of punworthy guacreations. Maybe it’s that avocado, with its soft texture and subtle flavor can be used, successfully, in just about any dish with any other ingredients. Whatever it is, I love it. And I hope, as I leave the East Coast, that Guac Bowl is here to stay. As the party wrapped up, two of my friends staying behind asked if they could carry on the tradition. And like a good lawyer in training, I told them that “with the right royalties, anything’s possible.”

Guac Bowl ’09 recap and pics!

Mon, 2 Feb 2009 19:52:12 -0800

What a Guac Bowl! It was easily our most crowded year. I’m either going to have to get a bigger house, or fewer awesome friends.

First, what you’ve all been waiting for: the pictures. (As a few people noticed, I was scooped by the LA Times, which also put pictures on their website, as a follow up to Saturday’s story. Nuts, huh?!)

And now… the winners:

BEST PRESENTATION OF GUAC
1st place: Adam Pava, “Ms. Guac-Man” (pictured)
2nd place: Robert Saccenti, “He’s No Guac To Me Dead” (aka Guac Solo)
3rd place: Angela Park, “Hot Guacets”

BEST TASTING TRADITIONAL GUAC
1st place: Christine Landry, “Guac Paper Scissors”
2nd place: Whitney Friedlander, “Chunky Chinos Real Mexican Guacamole”
3rd place: Dave Allen and Lauren Edson, “OMFG (Oh My F***ing Guac)”

BEST TASTING ALTERNATIVE GUAC
1st place: Craig Anderson, “Fried Guac”
2nd place: Mike and Meghann Barloewen, “Willy Wonka and the Guacolate Factory”
3rd place: Martina Papinchak, “Gnocchi-mole”

THE ICARUS AWARD
1st place: Michael Zimmer, “We’re Here, We’re Gueer, Get Used To It”
2nd place: Robert Saccenti, “He’s No Guac To Me Dead” (aka Guac Solo)
3rd place: Kara Ulseth, “Guac Dogs”

Other highlights:

• 243 avocados were used this year, up 18.5 avocados from last year – a new record!

• It’s hard not to notice how the Best Tasting Alternative Guac category has evolved over the years. What used to be a category for throwing some random crap into guac and hoping it was good (pop rocks, candy canes, various fruits, etc.), it has turned into a bona fide cooking competition worthy of the Food Network. This year we had: Craig Anderson’s “Fried Guac” (which had to be frozen first in order to apply the batter); Zach Leland’s “Southwestern Caviar Service” (which used crazy molecular science to make the caviar-sized dots of salsa); Angela Park’s “Hot Guacets” (which went through various incarnations to get just the right flaky crust); Martina Papinchak’s “Gnocchi-mole” (which had two types of gnocchi and had its own sterno-heated buffet tray); Matt Waynee’s “Avocado Pudding Guac” (which almost froze during the pre-game when Waynee couldn’t find fridge space so used my freezer); and more.

• This year, we had two drinkable, alcoholic guacs, covering both ends of the “deliciousness spectrum,” as it were: Zimmer’s guacamole beer, “We’re Here, We’re Gueer, Get Used To It,” which deservedly won the Icarus Award, and Brandon’s “Guacastoli,” which was a strong contender for Best Alternative (coming in fourth place). Zimmer guarded his Gueer-making techniques closely and wouldn’t divulge his secrets, but we all know beer takes months to brew. And Brandon also started Guacastoli long ago, soaking the guac vegetables in the vodka for weeks. So while we were all sitting on our butts, celebrating the holidays with our families, these guys were working on their guac entries… and that’s priorities I admire.

• Speaking of multiple entries, we also had two “Slumdog Millionaire”-themed guacs, each featuring a different Indian ingredient. “Slumguac Millionaire,” by Namita Gera, had curry, and “Slumdog Masala Guac” by Krupali Tejura, had (as the name implies) masala. Both were surprisingly good, and made me wonder why Indian food doesn’t feature more avocado. So I googled it, found this article on avocado production in India, and immediately became bored.

• As always, latecomers got the short end of the stick in terms of table placement and attention. But there are a few late entries that were amazing and deserve to be recognized: Steve Tavernia’s “Lego My Guaffle” was being made in a waffle-maker in the kitchen then shuttled out to his lonely Lego presentation in the entry hall, the only place there was room. Marta Knudsen’s “Guac Lobster” was a breathtaking lobster made out of red bell peppers and other veggies, with handmade wontons in the shape of claws. Both really creative entries that coulda’ been contenders. I say it every year, people -- I can only cram so many tables into my dining room and living room, so make sure you get there early to get good placement!

• The video conferencing with Guac Bowl East was a huge success, despite the fact that we couldn’t hear each other over the din of the crowds. But people made lots of funny faces at each other, so that totally justifies the technology.

Overall, an amazing Guac Bowl. Stay tuned to the blog in the coming days for Guac Bowl East pictures and recap, and some (hopefully) amazing pictures by a real… professional… photographer! From New York!

Pictures and recap tomorrow...

Sun, 1 Feb 2009 23:43:54 -0800

What an amazing day. So much creativity... so much guac. I’m blown away.

But also really tired.

I’ll post a full recap tomorrow when I get home from work, along with all the amazing photos. To hold you over, here’s a picture of “He’s No Guac To Me Dead,” Rob Saccenti’s incredible Han Solo-frozen-in-carbonite-inspired entry...

Happy Guac Day! Now with video conferencing!

Sun, 1 Feb 2009 11:15:49 -0800

In response to yesterday’s LA Times article which talked up a pseudo-rivalry between Guac Bowl West and East, we have mutually decided to bring both parties together... via video conferencing! That’s right, you’ll be able to see both parties, via Skype, from our respective dining rooms. That’ll put an end to all the “which party is better” talk.

Because we’ll all see.

See you in a couple hours! Happy guacing!

Guac of the town: The L.A.-effin’-Times!

Sun, 1 Feb 2009 00:13:31 -0800

Holy guaca-bowly! We were featured in the Los Angeles Times! It’s a great in-depth article, with actual reporting and quotes and everything. What a great way to celebrate Guac Bowl Eve.

 I’m sure everyone’s putting last minute touches on their guacs right now, before heading off to bed. Get some rest -- you have a big day of guac-eating and voting ahead of you tomorrow.

See you at 1 pm, champs!

Terrible last-minute ideas for you to steal

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:17:31 -0800

I’ve had a few conversations in the past week that went like this: “Hey, Adam! I’m excited for Guac Bowl!” “Me too, unnamed friend. How’s your entry coming?” “Oh, I’m too busy to make something this year, so I think I’m just going to show up and eat guac.”

Now, of course you’re welcome to do that. You’re my friend, and I look forward to seeing you no matter what. BUT – too busy? This is immortality we’re talking about. All you need is a shitty pun and a little creativity, and everyone will love you forever.

And so, to help out anyone who’s on the fence about bringing a guac, I hereby present to you:

ADAM’S SUPER-EASY, KIND OF TERRIBLE, LAST MINUTE GUAC IDEAS THAT YOU’RE TOTALLY FREE TO STEAL.

1. “Davey Guacett.” Simply fill a coon-skin cap with guac.

2. “Birkenguacs.” Simply fill some old Birkenstock sandals with guac.

3. “Guaccasins.” Simply fill some moccasins with guac.

4. “Toad the Wet Guacket.” Simply reunite the ’90s folk rock group whose heartfelt lyrics touched us all, and have them play Guac Bowl with the word “guac” clumsily inserted into their greatest hits: “Guac On The Ocean,” “I Will Not Take These Things for Guacted,” “Something’s Always Guac,” “All I Want (Is To Eat This Guac),” and so on.

I really hope someone shows up with one of these. Especially number 4, but I hear Glen Phillips is pretty focused on his solo career these days…

Greetings, Guac Bowl newcomers! (And boring old regular turds.)

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 21:50:16 -0800

Today, we are totally psyched and honored to be Entertainment Weekly’s Site of the Day on their PopWatch blog! Because of all the new traffic, I thought it would be a good idea to let you know exactly what Guac Bowl is:

It’s a guacamole contest.

There you go! You can click on the avocado above to get a more detailed history. Or, if you’ve only got a minute, you should probably just check out all the crazy awesome pictures, using the links on the left. Start with Best Presentation, then The Icarus Award, for the most visually-interesting ones. (Or, obviously, Best Tasting for the most gustatorily-interesting ones, though that’s hard to convey through photography.)

My only goal in life is to turn Guac Bowl into a national holiday. I will not rest until every town in America hosts their own Guac Bowl on Super Bowl Sunday. You should host one yourself. Seriously. It’s really easy. Here’s how:

Invite your friends over, telling them each to bring their best guacamole. But not just for how it tastes (though that doesn’t hurt). There are multiple categories they can enter:

• Best Tasting Traditional Guac – that’s the goo you’re used to; no crazy ingredients.

• Best Tasting Alternative Guac – some unusual ingredient added, or a different way of preparing it. Like chocolate guac, or guac ice cream.

• Best Presentation of Guac – this has arguably become the most interesting category, with dioramas, three-dimensional sculptures, etc. Usually (and this is important) it is accompanied by a clever/terrible pun title.

• The Icarus Award -- named for the tragic Greek character who attempted to reach the sun, only to have his wax wings melt and fall back down to Greece, everyone laughing at him in Greek accents. So this award goes to the guac that tries the hardest, only to fail the worst.

Sounds fun, right? Here, I even made a ballot box for you to print out. All you have to do is cut it up, and clean your apartment (don’t forget the bathroom; people judge)… and you’re ready to host a Guac Bowl!

If you do host one, make sure to report back here with pictures and stories. I’ll post them for all the world to see.

Guac on!

Guac Bowl takes over world, local media

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 11:08:38 -0800

Jeez, it seems you just can’t tell your well-connected friends in the media about Guac Bowl without them writing glowing articles about it. Today we have two stories mentioning our party:

First, this great article on the NBC-Los Angeles website, by Tim’s friend Alysia. I love her description of how the event has grown: “every Super Bowl Sunday, the entries get more and more huge/silly/strange/sinister/extraordinary/sad.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Second, continuing the grand tradition of Christine writing about all my parties on the Evite blog, we have this new Guac Bowl entry to go along with last year’s.

...And finally, I don’t want to jinx it, but have a feeling there might be one more Guac Bowl article coming up this year. I shouldn’t name drop, but let’s just say it’s a major newspaper that people in Los Angeles read when they have the Times to do so. Stay tuned!

Guacamole Facts

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 18:19:53 -0800

Brandon was nice enough to write up some Guac Facts for us. Enjoy.

----

• Cutting your avocado into small cubes before smashing will help keep the guacamole from turning brown.

• In 2006, Los Angeles resident Brenda Lifsey sued Kraft foods for fraud, claiming their avocado dip did not qualify as guacamole.

• The word "avocado" come from the Spanish "avo gato," which literally translates as "winged cat."

• Anthropologists trace guacamole back over two thousand years. Many scholars believe that Jesus served guacamole at the last supper, though instead of dipping chips, he and his disciples used communion wafers.

• Best known for inventing the cotton gin, Eli Whitney also designed an early avocado de-pitter, as well as, of course, the Soloflex.

• Experts recommend leaving the pit of the avocado in your guacamole, both to ensure freshness and to repel ghosts.

• I bet that lady Brenda Lifsey is a terrible person. Seriously, who sues over that kind of thing? Get over it.

• Guacamole has over 10,000 friends on its Myspace page, but most of them are bands.

• The Alanis Morisette song "You Oughta Know" is actually about guacamole.

• A duck's guac does not echo.

• Early American Explorer Meriwether Lewis was a reknowned lover of guacamole, earning him the unweildy nickname "Ol' Guacamole-Lovin' Meriwether."

• In many South American countries, children rise on Easter to search for avocados hidden by Senor Bernardo, the happy winged cat.

• Seriously, did Brenda Lifsey expect money? What was her next idea, suing Grape Nuts for not having grapes or nuts? Am I right here people? Adam knows what I'm talking about.

• The Apollo 11 astronauts brought guacamole to space with them! However, they did not eat it, since, according to Command Module Pilot Michael Collins, "that pig Buzz Aldrin ate all the chips before we even left earth."

• Cavemen mixed their guacamole with the tail of a prehistoric beaver, who would frequently shrug and remark "it's a living!"

• iGuac is an popular app for the iPhone which, when downloaded, lets users squirt guacamole from their headphone jacks.

• According to Wikipedia, guacamole caused the December 2008 death of the kid who played Wesley on "Mr. Belvedere."

• Futurologists predict that by the year 2030, guacamole will be served at all meals, and also that
the world will be ruled by winged cats.

• Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in Ford's theater. John F. Kennedy loved guacamole. Coincidence?

• Brenda Lifsey, I hope you die desperate and alone.

Guacamole Song!

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 13:49:12 -0800

Brandon pointed me to this pretty funny song about guacamole made by some dudes on the Food Network. They clearly have the same enthusiasm towards guac as we do. Plus, fake mustaches and a free recipe in lyric form!

In Defense of GuacAlien, by “Anonymous”

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 22:25:24 -0800

I received the following email today from an “anonymous source,” asking to be posted on the blog. It’s a response to my post “In Defense of Tradition,” two entries down. I leave it to you, the discerning reader, to draw your own conclusions:

----

Hi Adam, longtime fan of the site. As you know, Rob Saccenti won “Best Presentation” last year for his wonderful -- but controversial -- creation, GuacAlien. I had the chance to interview him for an upcoming article about this year’s event. Here’s an excerpt:

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For readers unfamiliar with the work, “GuacAlien” deconstructed classic party staples -- such as the veggie tray, fried finger foods, and of course, guacamole -- and reconstructed them into an intricate, edible reimagining of HR Giger’s classic “Alien” design (from the 1979 Ridley Scott film).

The display itself consisted of a layer of guacamole “slime,” in which sat a hollowed-out avocado “egg,” out of which were born thirty or forty fried calamari “facehugger” aliens. The piece d’resistance -- as well as the apparent source of most of the controversy -- is a torso of an adult “Alien” presiding over the whole display, built entirely out of vegetables, but not avocado.

“It’s total bulls**t,” rebutted Saccenti, when asked about the incident. “You know, it’s funny. If I would have just stuck some Alien action figures on there, made out of plastic, it would have been, like, no big deal. But no, I made the alien out of things you could actually dip into the guacamole, and suddenly there was something scandalous about it. I just don't get it.” Saccenti seems to believe that it has to do with people’s memory of the previous year’s winner, “Guaczilla” -- a creature created using guacamole, avocado skin, olives, and tortilla chips. “Suddenly there’s a rule that no matter what the rest of your display looks like, if it features a movie monster, that monster has to be made out of 98.5% avocado products, apparently.”

From talking with him, I got the sense that he’s a little bitter about the whole thing. “It just left a bad taste in my mouth. Oh, no... (grins)... Not the guacamole; I mean the controversy. How would you feel? I had friends tell me they loved the display, but then said otherwise in the documentary, behind my back.* Then I had people complaining about the name. The name! Nowhere in the rules does it say it has to be the cleverest of puns.” He sounds out for me phonetically: “Guac-a-mole. Guac-a-lien. I thought it worked fine.”

However, Saccenti says he’s put it all behind him now, and with GuacBowl ’09 right around the corner, his focus is on the future. He’s already working on this year’s piece, but promises what he thinks may be another controversial entry. When I asked him for a hint, he gave me a sheepish grin and said “I have a really bad feeling about this... but it’s coming together. Go big, or go home, I guess.”

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*The documentary mentioned is Shahan Sanossian's critically acclaimed behind-the-scenes exposé, "Guac Bowl 2008: The Movie."

The Gauntlet Has Been Thrown!

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 14:06:00 -0800

I contacted the California Avocado Commission to alert them to Guac Bowl, because, naturally, it’s the finest avocado-based party in the land and they should know about it. Their marketing assistant, Zachary Benedict (whose name would better fit the California Egg Commission) just sent me the following response:

Hi Adam,

Thank you for contacting us and for your support of Hass Avocados.

We have developed a Big Game Sweepstakes to round up stories like yours from consumers everywhere. A micro site dedicated to gathering these stories is now available for use: http://biggame.avocadocentral.com/ and offers prizes for the most impressive avocado Big Game celebrations.

I believe the best fit for your celebration would be to participate in the Big Game Sweepstakes.

----

Well, that sounds like a challenge if I ever heard one! So I went to the website and saw that they’re asking for videos of these so-called “impressive avocado Big Game celebrations,” and the best one wins a big screen TV.

It. Is. On.

First of all, who else is entering this contest? Are there hundreds of avocado-based parties that I’m unaware of? I don’t see any entries on the website yet, so I have a feeling our chances are pretty decent.

Last year, Shahan took video with his digital camera, and I plan on doing the same this year. I’ll be interviewing you all about your Guac Bowl entries for the video, so be prepared to discuss your creations for a sentence or two. Your inspirations, your aspirations, that sort of bullcrap. With your help, we’ll have an even bigger Plasma TV to watch the Super Bowl on next year!

In Defense of Tradition

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 13:42:09 -0800

Every year, the liberal Guac Bowl elite hound me with the same questions: why aren’t there more categories? Is it really fair that something like Guac Ice Cream -- which is probably 5% actual guac, 95% ice cream -- competes in the same category as actual guacs? Isn’t it an affront to hard-working guacs everywhere that something like GuacAlien -- erected mostly out of veggies, not guac -- can win best presentation? How can you compare apples and oranges? (By the way, we’ve had both apple guac and blood-orange guac.)

My answer is always the same: let it go.

Here’s why. This is a democratic society. You people are smart. If you don’t think guac cookies have enough guacamole in them to count in the taste category, don’t vote for them. If you don’t think Guactanamo Bay has enough guac in it’s giant tableau to count in the presentation category, don’t vote for it. The system works! You control the results!

Okay, sure it would be simple for me to add more trophies for “Best Non-Guac,” or “Guac Rookie of the Year,” or “Best Presentation By A Female Contestant” (all real suggestions, by the way)... but wouldn’t that diminish the value of the actual trophies? I added the Icarus Award a few years ago to take care of all wildcards. Are you people never satisfied? I know it’s the most important competition event of our generation, but it’s also just a party.

So it’s up to you, America. When you vote this February 1st, vote smart, vote with your heart, but most importantly, vote with a political agenda. As long as that’s all one vote.

A Guac to Remember, Part 2: Presentations

Sat, 3 Jan 2009 21:17:26 -0800

For all you newcomers and past participants with hilarious sitcom-style amnesia, here’s a list of many of the presentation names that have been entered into Guac Bowl over the years. Of course, this list isn’t exhaustive, but it’s everything from the last four years, and a few that I could remember before that. Basically, enough for you to have no excuse for entering something that’s already done, and to give you an idea of the kind of “quality” puns people have used.

A Guacwork Orange
Aguacalypto
Avo-Mikado
Avocado Grotto (apologies for missing this before, Disinterested Party.)
BaGuack DoughBama
BaGuack Obama
Chicken Guacs
Clockamole
Cock-a-mole
Count Guacula
Dick in a Guac
Domo AriGuaco, Mr. Roboto
Finding Guac-o
Five O’Guac Shadow
Fried Guacamole Raviolé
Goatguacheeseamole
Guac Alien
Guac and Roll
Guac Around the Clock
Guac Bless America
Guac Car Racing
Guac Cousteau
Guac For The Cure
Guac Like An Egyptian
Guac Ness Monster
Guac Obama
Guac of Love
Guac of the Loom
Guac Rockin’ Beets
Guac Strap
Guac the Plank
Guac to the Future
Guac’em, Sock’em Robots
Guac’R, Texas Ranger
Guac’s Anatomy
Guacabowlies
Guac-a-mole and Cheese
Guac-a-moola
Guacano
Guacãta, the Piñata
Guacatoa
Guac-di-os Mother F*er
Guacies (cookies)
Guacing on Broken Bass
Guac-ing the Picket Line
Guackenspeil
Guac-king Stuffers
Guacocomo
Guacolate Chip Ice Cream
Guacsickles
Guacson Pollock
Guactanamo Bay
Guactinis
Guactoberfest
Guactopus
Guactor Sagelove
Guactose Intolerant
Guacweiler Beach
Guacy Balboa
Guaczilla
Holy Guacamole
Holy Mole-y
Hung Out to Guac
Joe Versus The Guacano
Lock-a-mole
Look Who’s Guacing
Mardi Guac
Mini Toasts with Bacon, Guac and Cheese
Monkey on Your Guac
O Mole Night
One O’Clock Guac
Pineapple Upside-Down Guac
Pop Guacs
Senorita Traditionale’s Guacamolé Clasíco, and X-TREME MEGA CRUNCH!
Silk Guacings
Stay-Puft Marshmole Man
Strawcamole
Sugar Guackies
Superbowl XL Guac
Tequila Guacingbird
The Emancipation Guaclimation
The Guac of Fame
The Guacadile Hunter
The Guac-Iron
The Walking, Talking Guac King
These Boots Were Made for Guacin’
Tube Guacs
Turning Guacanese

A Guac to Remember: Part 1, Special Ingredients

Fri, 2 Jan 2009 21:11:26 -0800

Every year, people ask me, “Adam, this is only my first/second/sixth Guac Bowl, and I don’t want to repeat something that’s already been tried. What’s already been done?” Well, today and tomorrow’s posts will help you out. Here’s a list of some of the “special ingredients” that have been used for entries into the Alternative Guac category. It’s not even close to complete, but honestly, I don’t have that great of a memory and nobody’s invented a camera that takes pictures inside guac (yet!).

Bacon
Bass fish
Beer
Bell pepper shells
Blood Oranges
Cactus
Candy cane chunks
Cheese
Cherries
Chocolate
Cranberries
Frozen as popsicles
Frozen into ice cream
Ginger
Goat Cheese
Mango
Mint
Oranges (and served in orange peel)
Papaya
Pasta shells
Pear
Pineapple
Pop Rocks
Ravioli-stuffed
Rice Crispies
Sausages
Served in avocado shells
Shrimp
Sour Cream
Tequila
Wasabi

Tomorrow, I’ll post a list of all the Presentation/puns I can remember!

GuacBowl ’09 - closer than you realize, chump!

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 13:21:09 -0800

Holy crap, is it almost that time of year already? Start watering your avocado trees, and poisoning your friends’ avocado trees... because GuacBowl 2009 is only two months away!

Save the date: February 1, 2009.

How to Win an Icarus Award: A Photo Essay

Sat, 9 Feb 2008 16:53:10 -0800

So Guacweiler Beach didn’t win Best Presentation. It was still a lot of fun to make, which I painstakingly documented while I was building it. The whole process took about two weeks -- not including ordering the parts from BBQs Galore. So if you ever wanted to know how one goes about building and a four-foot-by-four-foot box and filling it with a fire pit and tons of guac, here’s a photo essay detailing the process. Enjoy!

And now that the writers’ strike is over, my guess is I won’t be doing anything like this again until retirement.

Guac Bowl Video!

Tue, 5 Feb 2008 13:06:42 -0800

Shahan has made a video of Guac Bowl!

It’s titled “The Agony, the Controversy, the Glory... A hard hitting, behind the scenes exposé of what really happened this year at Guac Bowl.” Click on the picture to the left to watch it.

Thanks, Shahan!

Guac Bowl ’08: The Recap!

Mon, 4 Feb 2008 16:17:14 -0800

Oh, what a Guac Bowl it was. Every year, the entries get bigger, tastier, and crazier, and yesterday was no exception. Let me put it into context: usually, about half the entries are clearly aiming to win the “presentation” category, and the other half are tasty, but in regular ol’ bowls. This year, every guac but one had an interesting presentation element. And that one was no slouch: it was so good, it came in second place – losing by just one vote – in the Best Tasting Traditional Guac category. Basically, every guac was outstanding. For a list of winners, see last night’s post, below.

Before I continue, here’s what you’ve all been waiting for:

Click here for the pictures.

Now for some break-down of the action:

• 224.5 avocados were used to make the guac entries for Guac Bowl this year. That’s a new record (unofficial, since it’s the first year we counted.)

• The biggest story this year was probably the clash of three Barack Obama guacs! We had Greg and Michelle Steele’s “Guac Obama” (with life-size Omama cardboard cutout and buttons for people to wear); Chris Miller’s “BaGuack Obama” (with surprisingly accurate Obama caricature made from avocado skins); and Liana Maeby’s “BaGuac DoughBama” (an entire White House made of bread products). All three were unique and worthy of contention, but – like what happens so often in politics – they split the vote. Let this be a lesson to all Democrats as we go into tomorrow’s Presidential Primary.

• Speaking of similar entries, there were two guac-infused cookie entries this year. Matt and Marta Knudsen entered “Guackies” which were gingerbread cookies with an avocado-based icing; Matt Waynee entered “Sugar Guackies” which had the guac baked right into the dough. The Knudsens’ cookies placed third in Best Alternative Tasting, while Waynee’s cookies placed third for the Icarus Award. You be the judge of who won that battle.

• There were two entries that had people wearing their own guacs. Jim Sutherland dressed as Andy Samberg with a wrapped present strapped to his junk for his entry, “Dick In A Guac”; Brandon Oropallo smeared guac all over his face for his entry, “Five O’Guac Shadow.” Both made me want to vomit a little bit, in the best possible way. Nice work, gents.

• I attempted to put size over substance with my entry, “Guacweiler Beach.” It used 48 avocados, had a fire pit, and took up a big section of my driveway. Unfortunately, the combined elements of rain, wind blowing leaves and dirt into the guac, and a neighborhood cat reportedly walking through it, led it straight out of Best Presentation contention and into the loving arms of the Icarus Award. I couldn’t be prouder.

• Rob Saccenti’s “GuacAlien” was an obvious showstopper, eliciting gasps from the crowd as he carried it in. But there were so many other unsung entries this year that were overshadowed by either poor placement, late arrivals, or just the fact that there was a freakin’ fire pit of guac behind it. Here are some highlights: Marcy and Dominic Janes’ “Guacing the Picket Line” was an incredible tableau of the current labor strike, with veggies refusing to make guacamole, instead picketing the studio who “holds all the chips.” Besides this really strong concept, the details – flowers in front of the studio, hand-drawn t-shirts and signs – made this one really special. Peter Perigo’s “Avo-mikado” had a Japanese princess with the head made of a skinned avocado pit, the hair made of waxed and curved avocado skin, a dress made of onion skins, and fans made of multicolored corn chips. Stunning. Angela Park’s “Count Guacula” had two motorized elements: a push-button coffin that summoned the Count, and a remote-controlled mobile that made bats fly around. And she created a bunch of funny gravestones that talked smack about guacs of years past. And Angela’s really hot. Okay, now I’m just trying to get laid.

• Oh, also, that football game was really good. The G-Men beat the undefeated Pats!

Thank you to everyone for another wonderful year. Stay tuned to the GuacBlog over the next couple days, as we dissect some of the entries up close, update you on the 2nd Annual East Coast Guac Bowl (the pictures are amazing), and maybe even have a little video segment...

The Winners!!!

Sun, 3 Feb 2008 23:02:05 -0800

What a day! I’ll have a full recap -- and pictures -- up tomorrow, but in the mean time, here are the winners:

BEST PRESENTATION OF GUAC:
1st Place: Rob Saccenti, “GuacAlien”
2nd Place: Adam Pava, “Guacweiler Beach”
3rd Place: Peter Perigo, “Avo-Mikado”

BEST TASTING TRADITIONAL GUAC:
1st Place: Martina Papinchak and Nathaniel Bozen, “Guac’em Sock’em Robots”
2nd Place: Alex Woo and Whitney Friedlander, “1 O’Clock Guac”
3rd Place: Holly McGreevy, “The Guac of Love”

BEST TASTING ALTERNATIVE GUAC:
1st Place: Ian Nyeste and Maggie Flynn, “Fried Guacamole Raviolé”
2nd Place: Christine Landry, “Stay Puft Marshmole Man”
3rd Place: Matt and Marta Knudsen, “Guackies”

THE ICARUS AWARD:
1st Place: Adam Pava, “Guacweiler Beach”
2nd Place: Brandon Oropallo, “Five O’Guac Shadow”
3rd Place: Matt Waynee, “Sugar Guackies”

Congratulations to all the winners, and to everyone who entered! It honestly was the best Guac Bowl ever. Like I said during the trophy presentation, it blows my mind that every one of the entries this year was creative enough that it would have won Best Presentation just a few years ago. You people continue to out-do yourselves. Amazing.

HAPPY GUAC-DAY!!!

Sun, 3 Feb 2008 09:08:47 -0800

It’s Guac Bowl Day! Yaaay!

It’s raining! Booo!

That’s right. The big news of the day so far is that Mother Nature fucking hates Guac Bowl, and made it rain. How will this affect the delicate balance of moisture in your guac? How will it affect voter turnout? How will it affect my entry specifically, which is an “outdoor guac” due to it’s sheer immensity and pyrotechnic element?

You’ll just have to come and see.

It’s T-Minus Guac!

Fri, 1 Feb 2008 14:59:14 -0800

Holy shit! Guac Bowl is the day after tomorrow!

Are you panicking? Don’t worry. Take a few deep breaths into a paper bag, then read these calming words of advice:

- When you get to my house, make sure to check your guac in with me. I’ll give you a little numbered sticker to put on your entry, and I’ll type your no-doubt hilarious guac name into my computer, which will be used to tally the results. (Thanks to Rob Wilson, who made a sweet Guac Bowl Tabulator program for me.)

- The trophy presentation will be at half time of the Super Bowl, so make sure to try all the guacs and fill out a ballot before then.

- Besides more guac than has ever existed in one location, I’ll be providing 30 feet of delicious Togo’s sandwiches and some other snackies, so you won’t starve… But extra beer or your grandma’s famous Rice Crispies are always welcome.

- The current weather forecast is 70% chance of rain. And parking is going to suck if you get here late. So, what I’m saying is, bring an umbrella.

I’m so excited! And I just can’t hide it! I’m about to lose control and I think I like it!

We’re famous, part 2!

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 11:58:57 -0800

The good press just keeps on coming! The Guac Bowl was featured on Evite.com’s blog! Eerily, like a modern day Carnac The Magnificent, I predicted this would happen two posts ago. What’s that? You didn’t know the Premiere Internet Invitation-Sending Website® had a blog? What rock have you been living under, chump?

(Thanks, Christine, for spreading the good word.)

In other blog-related news, we’ve also been featured on my favorite neighborhood site, Atwater Village Newbie. Newbie also gave us a brief shout out last year, starting this juggernautic trend of blogging about Guac Bowl.

Finally, in a third bit of blog-related news, the word “blog” is a portmanteau, my favorite type of word. Okay, that’s not really “news”... more like “trivia.”

Guac Bowl East: Confessions of a Thief

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:26:08 -0800

Here’s another Guac Talk!! for you. Today’s guest bloggers are Josh and Alie Lee, friends of mine who moved to Connecticut a year and a half ago, and decided to host their own Guac Bowl East. It was the first of the Official Guac Bowl Spin-Offs -- though as you will read in the first paragraph, it was not originally intended to be so official. In any case, we all hope a generation of guacamole lovers will be inspired to follow Josh and Alie’s lead and host their own Guac Bowls.

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“Guac Bowl East: Confessions of a Thief”

So this is the second year of Guac Bowl East. I have to say I’m the tiniest bit miffed by Adam’s open encouragement of what I thought was a misappropriation of his now-legendary guacamole competition. His approval has taken some of the luster off my bad-boy image (and also opened a treasure trove of theft-worthy presentation ideas we could have claimed as our own for years to come). Apologies to whoever created Tequila Guacingbird: yeah, we stole your idea, did it worse than you, and forgot to mention it wasn’t an original creation. That’ll teach you not to copyright!

We hosted our own Guac Bowl last year in part because of a thoroughly unmemorable Super Bowl (I think Prince performed, but I have no idea who played the game). But also, we needed a quick way to meet replacement friends in our first year away from LA. Turns out Guac Bowl is a great idea to steal, especially for a get-to-know-folks party. It’s got cross-gender appeal: generally guys who don’t feel like exercising their culinary instincts are happy to come for 50 inches of hi-def football. Similarly generally, gals whose enjoyment of football stops at “those hot tight pants the players wear” are often happy to come put their guactastic creations on display. These lines blur over time, of course (witness Pava Bear’s current mix of winners). But, this is how the first two East Coast Guac Bowls have shaken out.

There’s also always a small cadre of people who won’t commit to either camp: they don’t care about the big game and are also too lazy to mix up a bowl of pureed avocado. For them, we introduced (and are expanding on) specialty margaritas (like true hacks, we stole a great recipe for passionfruit-jalapeno margaritas from a Navajo restaurant in New Haven for this year’s Bowl). Who knows . . . this might become a new category for judging.

This brings up another aspect of Guac Bowl’s easy appeal: customization. Last year we mimicked the four-category set-up of the classic Pavalian Guac Bowl; but this year, we’re sorely tempted to force everyone into the punny presentation category. And, as noted above, we’ve planted the seeds of a margarita category as well. The point is, guac only has to be an organizing principle. It doesn’t constrain what you do to make your party a hit. The formula, like Rogain, seems to work. From our humble 15-entrant competition last year, we’re up to the entire Yale pediatrics nursing program and half the law school’s class of ’09.

As a testament to Guac Bowl’s viral appeal, the winner of last year’s presentation award is taking the idea to Seattle for ’09. Soon Guac Bowl will metastasize to the rest of the US. That’s Adam’s goal anyway. Mine, while I’m still a Connecticut resident, is to elevate Guac Bowl East to its proper stature vis a vis Guac Bowl West. Like fashion, finance, and cuisine, it seems only fitting that we effete elite northeasterners take Adam’s idea, recreate it more expensively, with less fun and then boast about how much better it is than whatever they do in California.

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Thanks, guys! To see pictures from the First Annual East Coast Guac Bowl, click here.

We’re famous!

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:37:12 -0800

...sort of.

If LA.CityZine.com were as popular as, say, Google or Yahoo, we’d be famous.

That’s right! Everyone’s favorite “Zine” about “City” life in “LA” did a feature about Guac Bowl! Like the Nikki Finke of guacamole competitions, hard-nosed journalist/Guac Bowl participant/neighbor Maggie Flynn pulled no punches in her scathing exposé of our yearly party.

Just kidding -- it was pretty much a puff piece. But it was really funny, and Maggie had the good taste of making it a Q&A with me. You can read the in-depth interview by clicking here.

With this kind of good press, we can only speculate, what’s next? The LA Times? The Nobel Peace Prize newsletter? Evite.com’s blog? Only time will tell, my friends.

Trophies, trophies, trophies!

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 13:00:32 -0800

I’ve decided to do something a bit different: invest in the Guac Bowl future. You see, every year around this time, I struggle over what kind of trophies to buy for the winners. As you can see from the photo montage on the home page, we’ve had tall “victory” trophies, cute “loving cup” trophies, plaques with pictures of the guac on it... all sorts of things. But no consistency.

So...

Finally, I present to you: The Official Guac Bowl Perpetual Trophies! Like the Stanley Cup or Orange Bowl trophy, the winner gets their name engraved on a plaque that is added to the trophy’s base, and he or she gets to keep the trophy for the year. Bring it to work! Show it off at family gatherings! Have a big party where you let all your neighbors kiss it! Whatever you want. Then, at the end of the year, you bring it back to Guac Bowl and present it to the new winner.

There’s enough room for 24 plaques, so these babies should last for a while. (I’ve added all the previous winners to them also... well, as far back as I can remember. Let’s call it “the Guac Bowl Modern Era.”)

Oh, and these little hunnies are classy. Twelve inch silver bowls with the Guac Bowl logo engraved on them. Maple bases. And for the Icarus Award, a little surprise that you’ll have to wait to see.

(Obviously, the picture here is a Photoshop mock-up. The real things are still being lovingly hand-crafted by the nice folks at Thomas Denton & Co., who helped me create the look. I highly recommend their services.)

How to Host Your Own Guac Bowl

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:53:01 -0800

You know, Guac Bowl isn’t just for my friends – it’s for everyone. And one of my goals for this website is to share the wonders of Guac Bowl with the world so others can host their own local competitions. My humble dream is that someday – maybe three or four years from now – EVERY HOME IN AMERICA will be hosting its own Guac Bowl.

“But Adam,” I hear you saying, “that’s simply not a good idea. If every home in America hosts a Guac Bowl, everyone will be home instead of attending each other’s parties.” Good point, close reader. So realistically, we should aim for about one out of every twenty or thirty homes in America hosting a Guac Bowl. Agreed? Good.

So how do you host your own Guac Bowl? It’s simple. Just invite a bunch of friends over on Superbowl Sunday. In the invitation, tell them it’s a guacamole competition, and explain the categories. (This is important – if you don’t explain that there’s an award for Best Presentation, for example, you’ll just get a bunch of guacs in Tupperware.) Feel free to make up your own categories, or use the time-tested ones I’ve created.

I’ve always found using Evite, or a similar community RSVP program, is a good idea, so people can reply with clever comments and talk smack about how they’re going to win. Feel free to put a link to this site in the invitation so they can see photos of interesting guacs, and get ideas for theirs.

At the party itself, make sure to assign every guac a number, for easy voting. I like to write the numbers on those little round colored stickers you see at garage sales. I assign the Traditional guacs one color, and the Alternative guacs another color, so people know what category to vote for them in. Make a simple ballot (or download_this.pdf) and print out more than the number of people you expect to show up, since everyone is a judge. Next, cut a hole on the top of a shoebox and voila! You got yourself a ballot box.

As far as awards, you can buy trophies at your local trophy store, or some simple ribbons at a party store, or even make homemade medals. For example, last year, my friends Josh and Alie hosted the First Ever East Coast Guac Bowl in Connecticut, and they made these super-cute ribbons.

One important note: Don’t forget that some peculiar folks may actually want to watch the Superbowl, so make sure you have a good TV and lots of seating. And if you start the party an hour or two before the game, it gives the sports fans a chance to try all the guacs and vote before settling in. I like to hold the trophy presentation at halftime, so non-game watchers can slink out.

Finally, after it’s all over, don’t forget to share your experiences and photos here at guacbowl.com!

Guac and roll.

New: Guac Bowl merchandise!

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:22:47 -0800

The new Guac Bowl logo is so awesome, it was just dying to be printed on shirts, aprons, hats, mugs, thongs, hoodies, and other crap you don’t need. So, starting now, you can purchase Guac Bowl merchandise through our official CafePress store! (Click here, or see the fancy new box on the right hand column.)

Of course, I’m not doing this to make money -- I just want to spread the good word of Guac Bowl throughout this great nation of ours. That’s why I kept the prices as low as CafePress would allow, with no markup for myself. (The cheapest T-shirt is $8.99... or if you’re rich and/or hate sweatshops, you can get a nice USA-made fitted tee for $16.99.) Enjoy, and I hope to see some of you wearing your Guac Bowl swag on February 3!

Chicken Soup for the Bowl (Guac Bowl, that is!)

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 20:35:27 -0800

Who’s ready for another Guac Talk!!? Why, you are, America. This time, it comes from Brandon Oropallo, the 2006 Icarus Award “winner” for his incredible “Guac-king Stuffers,” which had crushed candy canes in it. Did I say incredible? I meant inedible. And now, Brandon:

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Chicken Soup for the Bowl (Guac Bowl that is!)

Oh, hello there. What's that? You'd like to hear an inspirational tale? Well I think I’ve got a little yarn that might do the trick. And the best part is – it’s entirely true! Swear on a stack of Bibles it is. On second thought, make that a stack of avocados…

Y’see, this tale isn’t about a legless football player, or a lady who wants to drive a car, or even an aspiring top model with Asperger’s. No, this story’s about something far more inspirational. And it all starts with a boy.

This boy had always loved going to the grocer’s, and on one particular trip, he noticed a particular bit of produce he’d ne’er laid his particular eyes on before. It was green, dark green, like the crocodiles he’d seen in his story books. And the skin was leathery, like leather. He picked it up and held it in his hand. Oh, what a joy it was to caress it! He asked a nearby elderly woman what this thing was called.

“Why, that’s an avocado, young man!” the gross old lady replied.

“An a-vo-ca-do. Wow!” The boy looked about, and seeing no grocers, he took a bite of his new discovery.

“I don’t think you’re allowed to –” began the disgusting crone as she watched, but it was too late. The boy felt the slick green insides of the fruit on his tongue, and tasted the avocado-y taste. But as he swallowed, he felt something else – an itching on his lips that quickly turned to burning. “What – what’s happening?” he cried aloud through suddenly swollen lips. Horrified, he ran screaming from the store.

Hours later, as many layers of Chapstick cooled his tender lips, he stared at a Wikipedia page and realized his affliction. He was allergic to avocados. OK, no big deal, right? Just skip avocados. Wrong. Or should I say dead wrong?

For you see, it was the next day that the boy received an electronic-vite to a contest. But not just any contest… a guacamole contest. Always competitive, the boy was delighted, until additional research led him to understand that the key ingredient in guacamole was his latest nemesis. That’s right. The avocado.

What to do, he wondered? Surely his allergy prevented him from competing – but his desire to defeat and embarrass others prevented him from not competing! There was only one option. Kick some major A, dude.

It would not be easy. For almost half an hour, he researched guacamole recipes on some web site. He bought a pretty expensive bowl at Target. He did, like, 40 push-ups.

Soon, the day of the contest arrived. As he entered the arena, his fellow competitors were shocked to see him arrive. He heard a jeer from the crowd – “How do you expect to win? You’re crippled!” But he would not stop. He approached the guy who ran the thing, the administrator I guess? You know, Adam.

“Any room on the table for… my guac?” asked the boy.

He couldn’t be sure, but as Adam nodded, saluting him and taking his bowl, the boy thought he noticed a tear in Adam’s eye.

As the votes were cast, the boy swelled with pride, knowing that his true victory was beating that demon… that thing folks call an allergy. In the end, I think Shahan actually won the trophy, but the boy didn’t care. Because he’d stolen Shahan’s wallet.

Oh, and one more thing… that boy? Well that’s me.

HOLD ON TO YOUR WALLETS, SUCKERS!!!

We have a logo!

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 19:00:20 -0800

Rob Saccenti was generous enough to make this new, super-awesome logo for Guac Bowl. (Click here to see a bigger version of it.) Finally, we can put to rest the long, national nightmare that was the logo I created years ago in ten minutes.

This new baby is going right on the homepage, where it belongs. It’ll also grace the Victory Sweatshirts that will be awarded to this year’s winners (see post below). And it’ll be on this year’s trophies (see post that I haven’t written yet).

Thanks, Rob!

A Note from the Reigning Champ

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 18:15:20 -0800

And now, a special, special treat for you all. Last year’s winner for Best Presentation of Guac, Kevin Seccia, has graced the GuacBlog with his presence. Enjoy:

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It's been one year since my overwhelming triumph at Guac Bowl. One year filled with sellout crowds, guac-crazed fanatics, and more prize money than I could ever spend. (Oh the sweet, sweet prize money.) One year since I was carried out of Adam's house perched on your tiny, disappointed shoulders with chants of "Guac-Zilla!" ringing in my ears... One year... since I retired Shahan with a humiliating defeat. (Rumor is, he doesn't even attend picnics anymore, without calling ahead to ensure there's no guac there to remind him of that fateful day.)

The point is, it's been awhile and so, you can imagine my surprise when Adam informed me that, not only was he still planning on continuing the competition this year, but that I'd be expected to start from square one, just like any of you! Me! Guac Bowl champion!

I'm sorry, after Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa, did he wait a few months before calling up Mona and asking her to pose again?

Um, how many times was Columbus asked to discover America? Or Isaac Newton, was he put through this? "Isaac, listen, we really appreciate the gravity thing but, it's been a few days and we were wondering what else you had for us..."

Did Muhammad Ali, after beating Joe Frazier once, have to go back and beat him AGAIN?? (Okay, yes, he did... But are you really comparing yourself to Joe Frazier??? Come on now, that's a bit much.)

"Okay, Adam, fine. Have it your way," I said. "But who will test me? Futuristic, guac-making robots with giant sponge-brain heads? A creature bred from a mixture of Einstein's DNA and avocado pits? A team consisting of God, Zeus, Allah and Mel Brooks, sending their entries raining down from the heavens on lightning bolts?"

"No," Adam said. "You'll be facing the same humble men and women from last year. All desperate, clutching, grasping at the air, trying to be what you became."

"Have they been genetically-enhanced? Put on steroids or--"

Adam stopped me with a finger, gingerly placed on my lips. "Hush," he said. "I know it's pointless, but it makes them happy. Do this... for me."

So there you have it. Once again I shall be grinding your bones into dust, mixing them with avocado, and serving them back to you to win the greatest prize known to man.*

Your humble champion,
Kevin Champion Seccia
"Guac Bowl champion"

*not actual recipe

We’ve been sponsored!

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:31:13 -0800

As many of you know, past Guac Bowl participant Dave Friedman is the co-founder of Colossal Clothing, an American Apparel affiliate. (It’s a company that we can assume wouldn’t exist if Dave hadn’t won a Guac Bowl trophy in 2005, giving him the courage to realize he can achieve great things.) Anyway, Dave has generously offered to make a free hoodie, with the official Guac Bowl logo*, for each of the three winners of this year’s Guac Bowl. As if you needed more incentive.

As you can see on its website, Colossal Clothing makes stylish clothes for bodybuilders, tall guys, and big guys… but even if you aren’t any of these, Dave promises that he can make you a hoodie that fits. But honestly, after eating a hundred or so types of guac next month, you’ll probably need a loose fitting sweatshirt.

*Also, this means I need to come up with an official Guac Bowl logo now. Does anyone with design skillz want to offer their services? I’ve been using the ugly one on the right for way too long…

How to Make Guac and Influence Voters, Part II: Alternative Guacs

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 14:27:15 -0800

A few days ago, I posted some hints on how to stand out in the Best Presentation category. Of course, there are still a few backwards-thinking, old-fashioned bumpkins out there who think guac is supposed to “taste good.” For these silly nutjobs, we have the Best Taste categories: Traditional and Alternative. Today, I’ll give you some suggestions on how…

TO WIN BEST ALTERNATIVE TASTING GUAC:

1. For starters, a definition: Alternative Guacs are any guacs that have some unusual ingredient – something other than avocados, onions, tomatoes, chilis, garlic, cilantro, lime/lemon, or anything else that goes in any honest-to-goodness, God-fearing guac. No, salt isn’t a secret ingredient. Even if it’s garlic salt or lemon salt or Ms. Mother-effin’ Dash. Use all the spices you want – pour half the container of cumin in there – it’s still not Alternative. So…

2. Find an awesome secret ingredient. Something that’ll stand out. Past examples have included seafood (shrimp, bass), meats (bacon, sausage), fruits (mango, grapes, blood oranges, cactus*), booze (tequila, beer), cheeses (feta, goat cheese), and many others that I can’t remember. (*Did you know cactus can be both a fruit and a vegetable?)

3. Don’t clutter. If your secret ingredient is “a mix of clams, asparagus, kimchi, corn, and spicy mustard,” nobody will get it. They’ll try your guac, realize they can’t put their finger on what exactly they’re tasting, shrug, and move on to trying any dozens of other guacs that are right next to it. All of which have one clearly obvious, easily discernable ingredient. Like chocolate. With a big sign that says “Choco-mole!”

4. That brings me to another point – the name. Clever names aren’t just for the Presentation category. Name your guac something that tells people what the secret ingredient is, and if possible, make it a pun or somehow interesting. Past examples: “Pop Guacs” (with secret ingredient Pop Rocks), “Pineapple Upside Down Guac,” and “A Guacwork Orange.”

5. And finally, if you’re truly adventurous, think outside the guax. Last year, we had not one, but two frozen entries (“Guacsicles” and “Guacamole Chip Ice Cream”). The secret ingredient was not a “thing” but a “form”! How long before other new forms of guac show up? Is a baked guac possible? A flambé? A gel? A pill form? It’s up to you, America.

6. But be wary – there’s a fine line between breaking new ground and falling flat on your face. Case in point: of the two frozen guacs last year, one of them (the ice cream) won a trophy for Best Alternative… the other (the guacsicles) won the Icarus Award, given to the guac that attempts to soar the highest, only to crash and burn.

Good luck and guac bless.

A Message of Love and Hope

Mon, 7 Jan 2008 17:13:37 -0800

And now, I’m pleased to introduce a new semi-regular feature here at the GuacBlog:

“GUACTALK!!”

GuacTalk will feature guest bloggers from the Guac Bowl community, sharing their wisdom, defending their pride, or otherwise filling space. Our first GuacTalker, Shahan, has been called many things: “controversial,” “outspoken,” and even “Sean”. But there’s one thing everyone can agree on calling him: the winner of the most Guac Bowl trophies in history.

Now, without further ado, here is Shahan’s GuacTalk!!:

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A Message of Love and Hope

I am the Al Gore of Guac Bowl: we were both robbed because of rigged voting; we both invented the Internet; we are both gay.

But I write this blog post today not out of anger or white-hot hatred. I refuse to rehash old wrongs done to me and my guacamole. Instead, I write out of love.

This new year is one of hope. Soon, we will no longer have Bush as the president of the United States. Soon, we will no longer have Britney Spears as the legal guardian of her children. And, if I have anything to do with it, soon, we will be rid of the ugly, uber-competitive, friendship-ending Guac Bowls of yore.

Guac Bowl is not an opportunity to fill your empty existence with substance. Guac Bowl is not an opportunity for you to finally earn the love that your father never gave you. Guac Bowl is not an opportunity to end the decades-long losing streak that you call your life.

Guac Bowl is an opportunity for you people to revel in the mouth-pleasing sensations of my guacmole. I urge you all, guac aficionados, to set aside your petty jealousies of my work. Stop writing in “Anyone But Shahan” on your ballots. Admit to yourselves, now as you sit in front of your computer, that you cannot—and therefore should not even attempt—to outdo my culinary brilliance.

But, if you insist on entering a guacamole, please take some of my sage advice, kindly offered for your own benefit and for the health of those who might consume your guacamole:

1. Remember to come early—those tables fill up.
2. Plenty of lemon juice keeps guacamole green.
3. Seafood was not meant by God to be blended into guacamole. (The Bible strictly prohibits doing so and allows us to stone you to death as punishment.)
4. In fact, if it once had a face, don’t mash it up into your guac.
5. Adding feta cheese (or goat cheese, or cheddar…) to you guac will only ensure that you have to take 99% of it back home. (The other 1% will quite quickly find its way into napkins, trashcans or Adam’s bushes.)
6. Don’t serve your guacamole in a presentation where the guac represents baby diarrhea, no matter how “clever” the pun.
7. Don’t form your guac into a dinosaur and cover it with avocado skin.
8. Guacamole is made with avocados, not pulverized green beans. (If you’re allergic to avocado, stay out of the kitchen.)
9. Don’t serve some green tea ice cream and claim it’s guac. (So you win a plaque. Was that worth breaking your ethical code?)
10. Don’t show up with a mortar and pestle, guac unmade, take over the entire kitchen, taste Shahan’s winning guacamole, then stuff the ballot box with counterfeit votes because it’s the only way to steal the title out of Shahan’s hands! (Again, your ethical code, people! What will your children think when they’re old enough for me to tell them what their parents did to “win” a trophy?)

Peace and love to you all.

How To Make Guac and Influence Voters, Part I: Best Presentation

Wed, 2 Jan 2008 17:54:50 -0800

Many of you Guac Bowl newcomers may be feeling overwhelmed and intimidated after viewing the photos of years past. You’re probably saying to yourself, “How can I, a simple guac-maker, succeed with such stiff competition? Maybe I shouldn’t enter this first time. Did you see that freaking Guaczilla? I mean, COME ON! SERIOUSLY!” Well, I have news for you, inner voice. That Guaczilla was created by a Guac Bowl rookie!

With a few simple hints, you too can take home the gold. So without further ado, here are my helpful tips to you...

TO WIN BEST PRESENTATION:

1. Think big. There will be a lot of guacs to look at in my crammed dining room – don’t let your awesome idea get lost in the crowd because it was too small.

2. Think gaudy. Besides size, find something else that makes your guac attract the voters’ eyes. Past entries have included dry ice, motorized fountains, musical components, and human slave labor. If you have a bag full of glitter or, say, pyrotechnic expertise, use it. As Christine Landry told me the other day, “it took a few years to realize people don’t appreciate simple elegance.”

3. Think punny. A clever play on words can help people keep your entry in mind when it comes time to vote for their favorites. “Guac Cousteau” is a lot easier to remember than “That One That Had A Scuba Diver and a Boat In Some Sort of Deep-Sea Tableau.”

4. This may sound obvious, but remember to include the title of your entry somewhere in your presentation. You’ll have just spent days – nay, weeks – coming up with a hilarious pun…but if it’s not on a sign, people won’t know what the hell you were going for.

Winning the Best Tasting categories (traditional and alternative) are a whole different ball game, so I’ll cover those in subsequent blog entries in the next few days. Stay posted!

“A Vast, Guac-filled Conspiracy”

Wed, 2 Jan 2008 16:52:25 -0800

Perennial contender Shahan may be the most controversial Guac Bowl figure over the years. Having racked up more trophies than any other contestant, he carries a target on his back… one that he alleges has brought rigged voting, biased tasting, and “a vast anti-Shahan conspiracy.” The latest slight? The absence of his photo on the guacbowl.com homepage, which highlights other trophy holders. (If anyone has a picture of Shahan holding a trophy, please forward it to me so I can right this wrong.)

Later this week, the Guacblog will give Shahan a chance to address his concerns, in what will hopefully be the first of many “guest guacbloggers.” Check back to see what this outspoken titan has to say!

A Guac Crock?

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 19:51:11 -0800

This woman deserves an honorary Guac Bowl trophy:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/ 0,2933,233318,00.html
She sued Kraft Foods because their so-called “guacamole dip” didn’t contain avocado.

Of course, using that logic, many of our entries could have been sued over the years. Yancy made an avacado-free guac in 2006 because she’s allergic to The Great Pitted Fruit. And who can forget Steve and Lara’s “Guacolate Chip Ice Cream,” last year’s Best Alternative Tasting winner, which we can all agree was delicious... and, yes, green... but was it really “guacamole”?

It’s a debate that rages every Guac Bowl season: should there be another category for the guacamoles that aren’t really guacamole? Or should there be a minimum amount of avocado required to be considered eligible? I say no. Why? Because, even though we spend all year perfecting our entries... and even though we take this competition more seriously than the birth of our children or the struggles of our brothers and sisters at war... we must never forget: it’s just a party. Let the guacs be guac. So if you don’t agree with a guac entry, voice your opinion at the ballot box. It’s the same way we run this great country of ours called the United States of America. You don’t hate America, do you?

Check out the glorious photos

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 19:43:41 -0800

Curious about what majestic creations have already been attempted in Guac Bowls past? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Unfortunately, since cameras were only invented three years ago, I only have pictures from the last three Guac Bowls.*

Click on the category below to see photos from it:

• Best Presentation of Guac
• Best Traditional Tasting Guac
• Best Alternative Tasting Guac
• The Icarus Award

Of course, a guac can win more than one category (Best Presentation and Best Tasting aren’t mutually exclusive, for example), but for simplicity’s sake, I divided up the photos into the category they were clearly aiming for.

I also added permanent links for these pages in the column to the right, so you don’t have to find this post every time you want to look at them... because, you know, this blog is going to have thousands of entries.

*If anyone has pictures from earlier Guac Bowls, please let me know! I kick myself every day for not documenting the early years.

Only 40 days left until Guac Bowl!

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 19:33:37 -0800

Now that boring old “Christmas” is behind us, it’s time to focus our attention on the next, even greater holiday. That’s right – the Guac Bowl season is officially upon us! And this year, I’m kicking it up a notch by giving Guac Bowl a home on the information superhighway.

My goal is to use this space to discuss all things Guac Bowl-related: potential ideas (good and bad); interesting recipes; past winners; the glorious failures of Guac Bowls past; and, of course, the infamous Shahan-versus-everyone rivalry.

And you – Guac Bowl participants, fans, and newcomers – should use the comments section to suggest more topics for the website… or to just talk smack about each other.